Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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