i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
