Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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