mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
