I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His nipple licking is glorious
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