If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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