if only i could text you this smell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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