it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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