I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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