it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
