I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
