I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude. I can hear the air.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
