capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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