God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
