Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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