I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
