i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
