I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
