So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
