I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
