Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
