In the future we'll all be gay
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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