I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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