brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
