if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize