I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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