she looked like the before picture.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
