the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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