After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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