she smelled like a LAN party
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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