party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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