when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
