i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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