Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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