Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
