I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Come see our sink grown plant.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
