is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
