dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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