It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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