dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
