hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
