So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
