My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
