She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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