i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
