this boner is exhausting
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
