What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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