How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I supernannyed him into submission
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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