Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
