Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
