I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
