I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
