Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
