some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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