Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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