Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
