she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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