Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
