hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
