We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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