try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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