Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
