Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
