TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
