don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
