Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
