Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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