We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
