Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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