sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
